Last 8 September 2009, I created this post. Now that I am at the lowest point in my life, I guess, it's normal for me to look back and assess how I am living my life, to atleast get an answer to why trials like this come my way. Reading this post which I created days before I turned 30 last year, makes me feel so sad (and bad) because I know in my heart that I have failed (big time) living this life, living life the best way I can think of..
I know I promised to live in the NOW and forget about the past but I just need to do this... I need to know what went wrong... Though at this point, I know what were my mistakes (weaknesses and shortcomings) and what I should do and what I should change to avoid committing the same mistakes, but I just need to look (again) into my core values and see where I should start and pick up the torn pieces. I will "evaluate" (grade) myself, 10 being the highest and 1 as the lowest, so I know in what aspects I should work double time.
At 30 and Beyond, Ryah....
7/10 - trusts God's plans wholeheartedly
5/10 - is not a worrier anymore because she knows that God is the ultimate provider
5/10 - tries her best to always be a loving, understanding and supportive wife
8/10 - continues to be a loving and supportive daughter and sister
5/10 - values her work and continues to do her best in every task
8/10 - donates to charity regularly as her way of tithing
5/10 - saves/invests atleast 20% of her monthly income
5/10 - is always calm and never gets angry (unless the situations calls for it...)
5/10 - respects every person and has no right to raise her voice in times of conflict and misunderstanding6/10 - tries to always eat healthy and exercise regularly (this is a challenge)
5/10 - strives to learn new things such as new language (most probably Spanish), new skills such as cooking, baking and dress-making
8/10 - travels out of the country atleast once a year
5/10 (at this point, this is not important to me) - is a "power-dresser" at work - I think this is the most challenging(not to mention most expensive) of all since this will mean to entirely change my wardrobe.. hehehe
5/10 (not also important to me) - is more adventurous with her clothing style and overall fashion sense but still observes simplicity
I got 89 out of 150, 59.3%. Now I know....
Well, I can't do anything about the past, all I can hold on to is the NOW. I will try to be better, I will try to assess myself more often so I get reminded of what I hold dear in my heart and what truly matters in this life. I have failed several times but the important thing is I always stand up and start life anew.
I will get there, I know I will... by the grace of God.
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