The past weeks have been so tough, and I think the coming weeks will be tougher...
I try to be silent with what's going on with my life right now and I will stay silent about this for a very long time... Only my parents and a dear friend know what I am going through...
I know there's a reason for everything... Where I am right now is exactly where God wants me to be.. I need this.. This is my chance to do the things that I've been wanting and needing to do for a long time.
I am a "steady" person. My routine is just home-office since I started working. Even after I got married, I have remained that "steady" person. Though I want to do other things, I didn't have the determination to do things, to learn new things and to achieve for myself. I became contented with being so simple and being "just me" and I overly focused on the future, I even have this list of the things I wanted to achieve when I turned 40.
I missed living in the NOW. I missed appreciating the present, I missed living each day and enjoying it with my loved ones because I was overly consumed about the future. I didn't realize that I was missing a lot of things until this "trial" came upon me, I was so unguarded, I didn't see it coming because I could only see the far future...
I am seeing this trial as God's way of getting my attention, God's way of calling me and directing me to His plans. God wants me to live happily NOW and not wait for the future, not wait for things to happen before I feel happy and blessed.
From today, I will try my very best not to worry about the future, I tell you, this is a big challenge for me because I am such a worrier, trying not to worry will take so much "conditioning" and will require so much trust and faith from God before I can muster it. I will keep in mind that God is always in control, we just need to fully trust Him and lift all our worries up to Him and believe that after the storm, a new morning begins. While living in the now, I will take this opportunity to do the things that I've been wanting and needing to do, not for others but for myself. I realized that most of the things I do, I do them for others, not for myself. I need to give time for myself, to know and love myself so I can give more, and love others more. I have to be happy within before I can spread happiness around.
In my "me" time, here are the things that I will do to feel better and eventually become a better person. These are really simple things that I tend to neglect but most of the time; it is from simple things, simple gestures that we become truly happy, not from big and extravagant things. Remember the song "the best things in life are free," I believe that and I will live by it.
1. Every Sunday morning, I will attend the "Feast" at PICC. The Feast is a celebration of God's unconditional love for all of us. This trial has led me to finally attend this weekly celebration, I have been planning to attend this, but it is only this month that I have made it. The Feast starts at 9am with a mass, after the mass, Bo Sanchez, my favorite author and preacher, speaks God's word and spreads God's love to all of us. I feel so blessed at the Feast, hearing God's word, praising God and thanking Him for all His blessings give me strength to go on with life no matter how hard and uncertain life may be. I hope, very soon, I will be able to attend this Feast with my husband.
2. Every Monday night, I will attend the "Feast" in Ortigas, I attend this Feast with a friend/officemate. She invited me last month to attend a series of talks but again, it is only this month that I gave in to her invite. The Feast in Ortigas is basically the same with the Sunday Feast in PICC, the main difference, aside from the venue, is the speaker, but the speaker/s and the whole group belong to the same Catholic Community, Light of Jesus. I hope that another friend will be able to join us every Monday, friend, you know who you are...;)
3. Every Tuesday and Wednesday night, I will read a Spanish guide book, a travel book, or any other book piling up on my side table waiting for my time and attention. ;) If I don't feel like reading, I will watch movies on DVD, movies which I missed watching on the big screen. I will also schedule my driving lessons on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and/or Saturdays so I can finish in two weeks. I will also start with my Malaysia-Singapore scrapbook.
4. Every Thursday or Friday, I will attend Light of Jesus' Caring Group(CG) weekly meeting, I just signed up last week so I have no concrete idea how it goes, but I see it as a support group where the members can share his/her experiences and they pray for each other's spiritual growth. The schedule is either Thursday or Friday, depending on the availability of CG heads. If the CG meeting is scheduled on a Thursday, I can spend Friday night watching movies on the big screen, either alone or with a friend. I only watched a movie alone once, actually I watched two movies in a row just for experience, but now, I want to watch movies alone regularly.
5. Every Saturday, aside from driving lessons, this is my time to do household chores, learn to cook new dishes, and spend time with my husband, my husband will have the privilege to spend our Saturday the way he wants it.
For now, this is how I wish to live and savor my present, of course, all these I offer to God and all these are under His divine grace and providence.
The new "Ryah" is the one who enjoys the NOW, the one who is always grateful to what God has to offer and the one who entrusts her life and all concerns up to God.
***
Don’t worry about anything, but in all your prayers ask God for what you need, always asking Him with a thankful heart. – Philippians 4:6
The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, not to worry about the future, or not to anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly. – Buddha
We crucify ourselves between two thieves: Regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow. – Fulton Oursler
hoping that you'll achieve your goals friend..Ü
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