When too much is not enough...

Originally posted in multiply on 18 June 2007.

How will you know if you are giving a person more than he deserves? In love, is there really a gauge, a limit on how much to give, just enough so that you will not be hurt just in case the love is never reciprocated? Do you really have to expect something in return when you love a person? Questions like these always surface when you are in a relationship, do we need to get an answer or questioning is a inevitable part of the process, a stage that you need to experience once or more than once in your lifetime. Some questions are not meant to be answered right away. I guess and I hope, answers will come, at the right time, at the right situation with the right person.

In a relationship, most of the time, one gives more than the other; the other receives more than what one gives. I was raised to believe that love is a give and take, true, it should be a give and take, it should be a two-way traffic, but sadly, it doesn’t always happen in practice, in reality. Though I think it’s not-so possible to have an all too well-balanced give and take, but an “almost balanced” relationship is always welcome and ideal if it happens to us, this I believe is attainable and within reach if two people are both willing to communicate , compromise and commit. But in an extremely imbalanced relationship, one tends to ran out of something to give, someone gets drained simply because nothing or much too less is given back, it’s as simple as consuming a container without refilling it, for sure in no time, it will be empty. This is kind of scary when it comes to that point, for some, especially those who have tried their best to communicate to the other their feeling of imbalance reciprocation but were ignored, are the ones who walk away and never come back, their patience, among other fundamentals of relationship, was pushed to the limit and thrown to waste, and their love was consumed and fully exhausted by feeling of regret, self-pity, lost self-worth and demeaned dignity.

In a superficial level, love is supposed to make a couple happy and feeling complete, the mere existence of the other is enough to make the other’s existence worth-living and vice-versa. As I said, this is in a superficial level, but in reality, love is more than this, it’s more than a feeling, love is in itself complicated, every single person has a unique experience with it, as such, love is truly a mystery. As I always say to my friends, a particular situation in love, a particular problem and solution cannot be applied to another situation, you can’t expect a person to share the same feeling, to have the same reaction towards a conflict, and needless to say, love will always be subjective and emotional, no matter how rationale we try to be.

Today, I had a realization, when you feel that you are giving too much and receiving much too less, it is because you chose to be in that disequilibrium, if you are willing to make the relationship work despite the situation, you have to take action and exert more effort to let the other person know what you are feeling and on how you want the problem be resolved. If the other person is also willing and committed to make the relationship last, he or she will definitely cooperate in addressing the predicament, hopefully something affirmative will come out from this.

In the end, it will always be a matter of how much each of you are willing to give and receive to  come up with the perfect blend, how much are you willing to sacrifice to make the relationship work and last. Love and relationship are always a work-in-progress, as long as both of the parties are committed to make amends just to make things work for the better, love is still worth-keeping and worth-fighting for. If things and situations are on the negative, try to be on the constructive and progressive side, support each other, and be your partner’s strength, don’t add up on the weight and be the source of “light.”    

Just a reminder and a warning, if I may say, the source of your bliss is more often than not is also the source of your anguish.

Love is a balancing act, it will not always be on just one side, so learn how to go with the flow and make things easy. It’s good to love, just be ready to face both sides. :)